mediations

*** * ***[ Wednesday, March 31, 2004 ]

 
...Oops... technical hitches kept me silent again....
my british telecom line went awol for another few days...reinstated today....
Here's my statement of intention: to write more on here, very soon.
Broadband is happening, over here. It's astonishing.
And I am sure it is even more astonishing than I yet realise...

* * * * * * *

jaihn [12:04 AM]

*** * ***[ Saturday, March 20, 2004 ]

 
Today I reached for chapter 13 in Women Who Run With The Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
I remembered enough of it to know it would help me...

In the last few weeks I suddenly experienced several situations, which I choose not to disclose here, but which affected me deeply and have largely taken up my focus.
I wasn't comfortable to write about these experiences, in this pageplace.
It all rendered me unable to write a 'mediations' entry at all, until now.

This got me wondering about 'the (psychic) Dead Zone' (around secrets) which CPE writes about, and 'Secrets as Slayers'. Re-reading her helpful chapter, I was reminded that, yes, the telling brings the freeing - but, crucially, for this telling, Dr Estes recommends: "Choose a person whom you instinctively believe to be trustworthy".

And suddenly I am off the hook again. Of course it is ok for me to not say these tender stories here - and so long as I am saying them somewhere, to someone, then I can find my way back into speaking comfortably in this wide open zone of online expression.

My instincts can't determine your trustworthyness, dear screen-reader, because I don't always know who you are. And just as I wouldn't write a letter to a newspaper about these matters, so I can now make peace with choosing to withold details from here.

This form is a constant zone of learning to deconfuse intimate/public, I find.

I am grateful once again for guidance from CP Estes - La Que Sabe.

Another marvellous woman, whose work has been feeding me deeply:
Joanna Macy.

Her books, ordered online just before my phone went quiet, showed up on a sad, rainy Friday afternoon, in a dampened cardboard wrapper. I extracted the books just in time to avoid their becoming soggy. Reading them sometimes brings salt-water jewel-tears dropping onto the pages, though...

I have been reading World as Lover, World as Self,
and look forward to reading Widening Circles: A Memoir, and Coming Back to Life.

And to following this gracefully unfolding trail...

* * * * * * *
jaihn [7:20 PM]

*** * ***[ Wednesday, March 17, 2004 ]

 
Incommunicado....I had a week of telephone-line not working....it's fixed now....
I'll say some more, soon.
x
jaihn [6:10 PM]

*** * ***[ Monday, March 08, 2004 ]

 
Today I've been working on what now seems a rather clunky machine - while my newer one is in laptop hospital, being made even less clunky...

I have prepared a research-intensive, portal-rich entry for SeaHear tonight, and now I am out of steam, so to speak.

So this is by way of a blown-kiss to this page, and a pointer towards the other one.

x
jaihn [12:47 AM]

*** * ***[ Monday, March 01, 2004 ]

 
I have posted a new poem today, over at SeaHear.
My first contribution to the Ecotone project.
LearningCurves 'r' us.
jaihn [5:52 PM]